So, people have been bugging me to update. I'll do what I can. Moved out to my Mom's. I didn't realize how much I missed living with my sisters. I've always been so close with my entire family, and I've missed all the little things. Unfortunately, my little sister got "kicked out", but not really. I understand why what happened..did. She told me that she put in for a transfer to Dallas, and got it. My heart sunk. She hasn't really said anymore about it. And I don't see her as often, since she's living with her fiance now. I miss her, a lot. I'm still exteremely close with my older sister, MeShell. But she and her boyfriend just got a condo. She'll be moving out at the end of the month. I'm going to miss her and the kids so much. They're like my own. I've raised them. They're so smart, and they've been through so much. I don't know who I'd be to this day without them. So, pretty soon, It will be just be me, my Mom, and stepdad. It'll be lonely, but maybe it'll motivate me to get out too.

I've started working at ACS. I like what I do, and I like the people I work with. I was just starting to get the hang of it, when I was told that the account I'm working on is closing in 2 months. I'm not sure what I want to do from there. Things at my other job (which I've been working at for over a year now) are nuts. I've been in this industry for 4 years now. It's a good industry, as long as you don't get involved in the politics and drama. And the drug scene in this industry is a different story. We've picked up a new lead source, and a completely different fulfillment company. My morning girl hired another girl that works from 12-4. It really pissed me off when she did that, because she knows how bad I need more hours here. You know, when I originally came to this floor, I was excited, because it was somewhat new. Everything I do goes noticed, and appreciated. But I'm to the point right now, where I need some sort of stability in the workplace. And when we go from lead source to lead source, and fulfillment companies, and different consultants from month to month.....it's too much for me. I've thought about getting out of the industry for good, but the pay is so nice, and I get free benefits. It's just more stress than I care to handle. Not sure what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll just get two completely different jobs. I'm so determined to get out of debt, but I can only handle so much change at once.

I've been dating a fabulous guy the past few weeks or so. It scares the shit out of me though. He's so nice, and so affectionate. I've found myself subconsciously attempting to sabotage the relationship to save myself from getting hurt again. But then I catch myself, and tell myself that I deserve to be treated nicely. I give myself too easily. I meet someone I'm interested in, and I'm ready to offer them the world. I'm not saying I want to get married tomorrow, I'm just sick of dead end "relationships". And he's different than anyone I've ever interacted with. Such a positive energy around him, and I have so much fun when I'm with him. It terrifies me, yet I'm anxious to see where things go. And I guess if anything, I'll know what I want, and don't want in relationships. I really like this guy, and I hope it turns into something. But at the same time, I'm not going to hold my breath.

I went to the Kansas concert with my Dad a few weeks ago. We had so much fun together. He told me "thank you" about a million times. It was an incredible show. After the show, we went back to his house. I went out back to smoke, and he came back there with me, just to hang out. He kept offering me dinner, and ice cream, and watching a movie...and whatnot. I had to decline. When I left his house, I was almost in tears. I know he misses me, and I miss him so much. He walked out to my car with me, and he watched me pull out. He was waving when I drove off. I worry about him. He's such an incredible person, but I know he's going through a hard time right now. His birthday party is tonight. I'm nervous to go, because I know I won't want to leave. I'm going to have to show up a little late, since I'm still at work right now, and I still have to go get a bday present. He just means the world to me, and it hurts me to see him struggling. What can I say.....I love my Dad.

Although I've only been a hermit for about a month or so, I'm starting to see who my true friends are. People that respect the position I'm in right now, and accept it. My sister MeShell, for starters. She's always been my best friend, and I know she always will be. But Rob and Steven are absolutely incredible people. I talk to Rob probably 6 times a day, everyday. I've been venting to him the past few days, and he always has a realistic solution to everything. He snuck up on me at Bourbon the other night, and put his arms around the back of me to hug me. I almost turned around to swing at him, because I didn't know who it was. *Note to all.....don't sneak up on me.....I will punch you. I was so happy to see him! He's such an incredible person. And Steven....oh Steven. He's been by my side through some of the darkest times in my life. He's always there to listen, or pull my head out of my ass. He's so supportive of me, and he knows when I just need a hug. He's the one that tells me exactly how it is, with no beating around the bush. But he's always there to wipe the tears from my eyes after he's told me the honest truth about things. And of course there's Casey. We rarely talk since she lives in Cali, but she knows what I'm thinking before I think it. She knows me better than I know myself. If I'm ever down, in my room bawling my eyes out, she "visits" me, and comforts me. It used to scare me that we have that kind of connection, but now I fully understand it. And TonyD. I love the crap outta him. And I love working with him. I can't tell you how many text messages we've exchanged when I've been upset. He's always there to offer me a hug, or smack my ass and tell me to pull my head out. All of these people, have kept me sane, and realistic. I've got incredible friends.

I guess this entry is long enough. Of course, it may be another month before I write again.....but I'm trying.